A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father
"Well son, now that you’ve got a kid of your own, I think it’s time to give you this"
"Dad, you don’t mean-"
"Yes son, I do" *Dad pulls out copy of 1001 Dad Jokes, 5th Edition*
"Dad… I’m honoured…", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured", replies his father. "I’m dad".
i just need to get my shit together
— me in 2009/2012/this time last year/a minute ago/next year probably (via wank-r)
- mother: you need to stop playing the sims.
- me: ah fweegah fwaa boobasnot cayoo dis wompf es fredesche
“YOUR GAY” they shouted. “DUDE YOUR GAY!!!” i ignored them. it wasnt until i got home that i realized my gay had escaped. they tried to tell me.
sticks and stones may break your bones but my dick would absolutely destroy you